


Peculiar Pineapples

by TheWrath_Of_TheLion



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-11-01 23:16:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17876636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWrath_Of_TheLion/pseuds/TheWrath_Of_TheLion
Summary: Will Graham gasped in horror. “Ah, fuck. I can’t believe you’ve done this. Right in front of my salad?”





	Peculiar Pineapples

**Author's Note:**

> This one isn’t as good as the other ones.

Hannibal and Will were chilling at Will's house when Jack Crawford showed up unannounced. 

Jack looked around Will's house and examined all the dogs. Turning to Will, he asks, “Don't you know you shouldn't let wild animals into your house?”, all the while he points at Hannibal. 

“Ha. Ha. Very funny, Jack.” Hannibal said dryly. 

Hannibal did not think this was funny at all. He knew that Jack couldn’t fathom how RUDE he had been. Even though he agreed with the sentiment, Hannibal could not see the resemblance between himself and a wild animal. Jack would have to pay for this. Soon. 

“Anyways, I got a case for you. Some idiot thought it was a good idea to fill all the storm drains in the city with human organs. When the rain came down they flooded out into the streets.” Jack said disgustedly.

Hannibal was even more insulted at this. How dare Jack insinuate that he was an idiot. He had only put the organs there as snacks for later. He did not anticipate that anyone would find them. Hannibal had had enough. He would come out with the truth, and it would come out with a bang. 

“Now, listen here, you fat cunt. Do you honestly think you’re fucking funny? Of course, I was the one to put the organs there, cannibals get hungry too, you know.” 

With that, he pulled out a gun and shot Jack in the head. His body fell limply onto the floor, blood pooling around him. 

Will Graham gasped in horror. “Ah, fuck. I can’t believe you’ve done this. Right in front of my salad?” 

Hannibal put his head down in shame. Will was right. He is a horrible monster for killing people. He then decided that he would no longer kill people. 

“Do not worry my beloved, for this shall be the last time.” Hannibal proclaimed to him. 

Deep inside, Hannibal knew this was a lie. How could he give up his pastime? Conspiring with his dark desires, he turned to Will and said, “Ha, bitch you thought!” 

He then sprinted out of Will’s front door. 

Will started crying. Jack was right. Hannibal is a menace and a wild animal. He went into the kitchen, and opened up his fridge. There it was. He grabbed the pineapple off of the shelf, and closed the fridge door. 

Will placed the pineapple on the floor and started chanting around it. 

In a puff of smoke the pineapple god appeared. 

The pineapple god looked like Mason Verger. But how could that be? Will thought that he had died ages ago. 

“I know what you are thinking, I should be dead right? Wrong! When I died I ascended and turned into the pineapple god!” Mason cackled.

“Anyways, you get three wishes, and I don’t have all day, so don’t waste my time!” 

Will thought long and hard about this. What should he wish for? Then, he had it! He knew exactly what he would wish for! 

“I wish that I had more dogs!” Will said excitedly. 

With a snap of Mason’s fingers, fifty dogs appeared. But alas, there was a catch! They were all made of pineapples. The pineapple dogs went up to Will and sniffed his disgusting, greasy ship on the bottle aftershave smelling self. 

They dogs exclaimed in disgust, “Ew! This human is disgusting! Get me away!” And with that they disappeared in a puff of smoke. 

Mason clapped his hands. “Well! That didn’t work out very well. What is your next wish?” 

Will was sad that the dogs thought he was disgusting, but he knew that it was true. Hannibal had always commented on his bad smell and he had never changed it, and now the dogs thought he had smelled bad. He drowned in his tears.

“I wish that I didn’t smell so bad, so that the dogs would like me.” 

“Say no more!” Mason said. 

With a snap of his fingers, Mason made Will smell like pineapples. 

“Ah yes, the fresh scent of misery!” Mason breathed Will in.

Now the dogs would like him. In a puff of smoke the dogs appeared again. They went up to Will and said, “This is much better!” 

But of course there was a catch. The dogs were cannibalistic. The took one good sniff of Will’s pineapples scent, and started feasting. 

“Uh-oh!” Mason said as he made them disappear. “Maybe you should wish for something that won't kill you!” 

Will was upset the dogs wanted to eat him. He just wanted to be friends with them.“I wish that Hannibal was here.” 

All of the sudden, Hannibal appeared out of nowhere. He was covered in the blood of his victims. He asked, “OwO what’s this?” 

Will went up to Hannibal and said, “Now you cannot leave. Mwahahaha!” 

Hannibal gasped. How could he kill people if he was confined to this place? “William, how could you do this?” He asked in distraught. 

And as always, there was a catch. Suddenly Hannibal was madly in love with anything pineapple. Since Will  
smelled like them, he could not help but to sniff him. 

Will asked, confused, “Did you just smell me?” 

“Difficult to avoid. You smell like a divine angel sent down from the heavens.” 

“This is great and all, but it’s time for me to leave.” Mason said and disappeared. 

Hannibal did not notice the pineapple god before. He felt that Will had betrayed him. “Willllllllll! How could you do this? I feel cheated and manipulated.” 

“Well it is too late Hannibal! You shall stay here with my pineapple scent foreverrrr!” 

“Noooooooooooooooo!!!” Hannibal screamed in agony. 

Then, Hannibal sat up in his bed with a jolt. It had all been a horrible nightmare. He was relieved that it was over. Then, he turned to his left. Will was standing there, hovering over his bed with shadows covering his face. He could smell the waft of the pineapples coming off of him. 

The end.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment how much you hated/liked it.


End file.
